The Summer I Sought Myself

My friend Heather dropped me home after class today. We were talking about the dresses I made, the idea of "dress up", and consequently, the transformative aspect of this activity. Before I left, she asked me if I ever wondered how it would be to become someone else.
Without any hesitation, I told her how I have never imagined myself as someone else. I am perfectly happy being me, and I would never change that. Writing this now, I pause to ask myself where I have gotten, or perhaps even inherited this unwavering self-love.

The first thing that comes to mind are my parents who have given the world to me and my siblings. My Dad, though a man of few words, has always been the most hard-working and creative person in my life. My Mom, on the other hand, has never run out of optimism and patience. Whenever I feel a tinge of unhappiness, I remind myself of how they always and only want the best for me. They have given me all the love I could ever need in this world, and it is this love with which I build myself. I find this as the quickest way I am able to cheer up myself.

Secondly, I look to the handful of friends I have kept with me throughout the years. These are the people who know me inside out. Having them in my life has somehow contributed to my self-assured disposition. They remind me that I don't need to please anybody else, that I don't need to pretend. The ones who matter to me and I to them would always know me. There is security in this honesty. And I feel this most strongly with the one I love. 


Lastly, and I do think most important of all, I turn to the mirror. I have always been introspective, which I think is the positive aspect of being an over-thinker. And in my thoughts I have always talked with myself, and looked back on the things I have struggled over and worked so hard for. My health is one of these things. Somewhere in my lowest point healthwise and emotionwise, I found that much of the suffering in this life is a test of one's will. And I have always tended to improving and safeguarding this will.


In the past months I have made several changes, or at the very least, the decision to change. I would never aspire to be somebody else but I do seek to become who I am meant to be. For the first time in my life, I do feel a little scared. But I guess nothing scares me more than never finding out what my true north is.


Top: ITZON Apparel
Skirt: Romwe
Cardigan: Forever 21
Shoes: Soda

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